I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
My ass is underappreciated
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
