It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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