you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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