Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
