I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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