Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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