I skipped work to stalk him.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Randomize
