sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
