I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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