i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
