Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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