Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
