well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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