i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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