If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize