That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
