the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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