that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Randomize
