The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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