This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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