Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
