ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
