Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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