why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
