Moan for me like Helen Keller
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I supernannyed him into submission
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
