if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Me too!
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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