every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize