Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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