btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
