I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize