I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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