Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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