After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
