theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
