do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize