she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
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