I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
