The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
