..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
