Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
