Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
