he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
