I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
