fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
