come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
