PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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