If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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