sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Randomize
