i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
