I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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