I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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