Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
