Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
