dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize