How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
