Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
