we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
