Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
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