this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
