u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
