Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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