I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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