she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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