...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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