considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize