I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I am naked and annoyed.
The Olympian is in my bed
It's not a walk of shame if you run
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
