saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
