her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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