Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
