I must be too annoying 4 u.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
barbara walters just said penis...
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
