Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
