Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
