Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Let's get the cat blown out
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
