I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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