Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Randomize
