i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I can't put those talents on a resume
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
